Anywhere But a Dark Alley

Our phone is like our security blanket, but when it is out, it tells others that we are unavailable….

As a life and health coach who focuses on stress and anxiety, I can tell you that one of the things that many of my clients (and myself!) are quietly struggling with (especially since the pandemic) is feeling isolated, alone, and craving real, authentic connection.

Our contact to others via social media is alluring; we think we are connecting, but for the clients I am coaching, they often feel that it’s effect is superficial.

We come up with ways to get more involved, but here’s a simple tool that you can use just about anywhere.

Most of us don’t talk to strangers…not because we don’t want connection, but because our brain whispers,

“What if they don’t want to talk to me?”

It feels harder to make friends as we age. We are no longer plunked together in the same class, team, etc. But - here’s a neat fact: Researchers at the University of Chicago found that this fear is almost always wrong!

When people actually do talk to a stranger, the interaction is less awkward and more enjoyable than they expect…and it gives both people a noticeable boost in happiness.

Even something tiny helps!

And you’ve gotta admit, there’s a lot going on in the world. We need people. Evolutionarily, we are wired for connection. It helped us survive! Now, it makes us feel less alone, less afraid, stronger, and happier.

One study showed that when a stranger simply made eye contact (with or without a smile), people felt more included, seen, and connected.

When someone walked past and completely ignored them, people felt lonelier and more disconnected. (Of course, this makes sense. No one likes feeling invisible.)

So here’s your gentle happiness practice for this week:

1. Put your phone away in public spaces.

(Your phone quietly tells the world: “I’m unavailable.” No phone = open door.)

2. Make eye contact.

Add a soft smile if it feels natural.

3. Say one small human-y thing.

At the coffee shop. To the cashier. To a neighbor. To the person next to you in line. (Please, just not in a dark alley!)

Try: “Hi… How’s your day going?”

That’s it.

Or, “When do you think we will see spring?”

Humor and small attempts make a difference. Happiness isn’t one big life overhaul. It’s built from many tiny positive moments stacked together…and this one is easy.

Try it once this week.
- Notice how your body feels after.
- Notice how their face changes.

And repeat. We are wired for connection, and we all need more of it. These steps repeated can add up to a sense of community. Imagine if you did this every time you went to the gym. And, if you kept going to the gym at the same time, you’re more likely to see the same people, and eventually, easy breezy conversation feels doable.

Action is always rewarded.

If someone you know could use this, please forward it!