It was 2018. I had been through miscarriages, divorces, and caring for a parent with Dementia. I was on edge, hyper vigilant about what could go wrong, living with relentless anxiety, waking with dread, suffering from panic attacks, overthinking, overworking, and exhausted.

I had been teaching elementary school for over 20 years, and work felt toxic. I was in constant fear of school shootings. I had mounting financial problems. My marriage was falling apart.

I numbed myself with food and late-night TV. I dreaded getting out of bed in the morning. I did the best I could, but I always felt overwhelmed and not good enough.

My health was deteriorating. I was out of shape and privately grappling with painful stress-related health problems - migraines, gut issues, getting sick all the time. I hated seeing pictures of myself, even from times that should have been happy, like this picture from my daughter’s graduation celebration. I was forcing a smile and thinking of better days in my past to seem happy.

I was jealous of others’ happiness, feeling like I was missing out. Social media made it worse. I worked on my to-do list, thinking that if I just worked harder and accomplished more things, my anxiety would go away. I went to multiple doctors for the problems with my health. They told me that stress was the root of my struggles and that fixing that would solve mental and physical pain, but I had no idea how to do that.  I felt like a failure.

I realized that I needed to change.