A Secret Ingredient to Happiness

Recently, Portsmouth (my old stomping grounds) held their 2nd annual Porch Fest. It was an absolute joy walking through the neighborhoods, stopping to listen to musicians, and wandering to the next porch with music drifting through the streets! Because it was held in the area where I used to live and teach for 20 years, I ran into old neighbors, colleagues, and former students - some now in their 30s! Seeing so many familiar faces after so much time away FELT SO GOOD.

And of course, being a stress and anxiety coach who also focuses on joy, I couldn’t help but process why it felt so nourishing. The music was terrific, and the sunshine in September; wonderful! But here’s the truth:

We need warm, positive relationships. We need a sense of community. We need to know that we matter.

In fact, Harvard’s 80+ year study on happiness revealed that the single greatest predictor of long-term well-being and longevity isn’t wealth, success, or status...it’s the quality of our relationships. Human beings are wired for connection.

When we feel like we belong, our nervous system settles, stress decreases, and joy rises.

The best part? Connection doesn’t have to be complicated. It often starts with small, everyday choices:

- Say ‘hi’ first. A simple greeting can break the ice and brighten someone’s day.

- Smile at strangers. Smiles are contagious and signal safety to the brain.

- Pick a local spot. Choose a coffee shop, park, or market you return to regularly. Familiarity builds belonging.

- Show up. Attend local events that interest you, whether it’s live music, a farmers’ market, a spiritual discussion group, a local beat night, or a book reading.

To deepen connection and feel part of something bigger:

- Give a little help. Offering to carry groceries, help a neighbor take out their AC, or watch a friend’s pet builds bonds.

- Start small traditions. Weekly walks with a neighbor, potluck dinners, or seasonal rituals give us something to look forward to.

- Join or create a group. Whether it’s a walking club, a volunteering team, or a book club, shared experiences strengthen ties. Look on Facebook or Eventbrite for these!

- Practice micro-moments of connection. Researcher Barbara Fredrickson found that even brief moments of eye contact, shared laughter, or listening with full attention (not glancing at your device) trigger positive emotions that ripple through us.

This week, ask yourself:

- Where can I reach out, smile, or show up?

- Could I invite someone along instead of going solo?

- Could I create a small ritual that brings people together?

Even if conversations start off light and surface-level, that’s the beginning. Keep making those small inroads. Over time, they weave into a rich fabric of community...and that’s where real happiness grows.

Know someone that could use this inspiration? Please forward it to them!